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10 Times It’s Not Appropriate To Apologize To An Unhappy Customer

Providing a great customer experience is all about making clients happy. Despite the best efforts of leadership and staff, however, most businesses will face instances when a customer is unhappy with a product or service. If something the business has done (or failed to do) has caused this poor outcome, it’s essential for leadership to apologize and make things right.

However, there are some instances when it is not only unnecessary to apologize to an unhappy customer or client, it’s actually inappropriate or counterproductive. Here, 10 members of Forbes Coaches Council share examples of such instances as well as suggestions for what leaders should say instead.

1. When Circumstances Are Beyond Your Control

There are times when circumstances outside of your direct control or influence impact your ability to meet your clients’ expectations. It is not appropriate to apologize in such situations because you are not at fault for the problem. However, it is appropriate to acknowledge the clients’ emotions (for example, their frustration or irritation) and do what you can to make things right for them. - Vered Kogan, Momentum Institute

2. When You’ve Delivered What You Promised
When you have successfully met the terms of the agreement and all products, services and deliverables have been provided, there is no reason to apologize if a client is still unhappy. One of the best things to say is that client satisfaction is important to you. Then, ask the client to provide a suggestion for resolving their displeasure. If their suggestion is reasonable, honor it. If not, part ways. - Lori A. Manns, Quality Media Consultant Group LLC

3. When You’ve Provided Honest, Comprehensive Service
Providing an honest, comprehensive service that gives your clients the information they seek is all that you can do. If the client does not like what you have to say, even if it’s a fact, then do not say, “Sorry,” but rather, “I’m here to help provide you with a service that addresses your questions and concerns. If the information I’m giving you is not to your liking, then perhaps we need to review.” - Eddie Rodriguez, The Franchise Tailor

4. When The Completed Work Costs More Than You Estimated
In my former business, we’d give estimates on work that was almost impossible to estimate and tell our clients so in advance. Sure enough, some would still be quite unhappy when the work was completed and it was more than anticipated! I would hear the client out completely and acknowledge their feelings, but I would stand firm when asserting that the situation was out of our control. I would not apologize, however. - Kim Neeson, Kim Neeson Consultancy

5. When The Fault Is Clearly The Customer’s
It is not appropriate to apologize to the customer when the fault clearly lies with the customer (for example, due to incorrect operation). You should still be friendly and look for a common solution. Sometimes, it can be helpful to ask the customer, “If you were in my place, what would you do?” - Björn Schnare, Xperience International GmbH (by Tobias Beck)

6. When The Customer Is Extremely Emotional
If a customer is straddling the extremes of emotion—that is, if they are deeply unhappy or angry—it is far better to offer the opportunity to assist. Saying, “Let me try and solve this as best as I can,” or something similar, means you are taking action and will diffuse the tension. Follow up with regular updates on progress—communication is important. So too is offering thoughtful alternatives if needed. - Arthi Rabikrisson, Prerna Advisory

7. When You Can Offer An Alternative Plan
If an apology isn’t appropriate, I will offer clients more of my service and/or an alternative plan. This proves to them that I can provide something additional and also shows that I care (this would be a substitution for the apology). I would convert my “sorry” into an introduction to the extra services I can provide. - Liudmila Schafer, The Doctor Connect

8. When The Customer Has Unrealistic Expectations
As most of us know, some people will never be completely satisfied. If your company has made an error, then an apology is absolutely in order. However, no apology is necessary if a customer is unhappy because of their own unrealistic expectations. In this case, an appropriate response would be, “I hear you and I understand your concerns. How can we make it right?” - Marc Zalmanoff, Marc Zalmanoff LLC

9. When They Just Want To Know They’re Heard
Sometimes, you have to apologize, which means taking responsibility for the situation if necessary (versus saying “sorry”). The key is to acknowledge and empathize in a way that doesn’t demean or diminish. People want to be heard and to know they were heard. Try to reframe their experience to address their emotional state and gently guide them toward a solution. - Joshua Miller, Joshua Miller

10. When The Customer Wants To Feel Appreciated
People want to feel appreciated and not be taken for granted. Sometimes, apologizing for falling short on expectations is not sufficient, and it may be more appropriate to ask what can be done to remedy the situation. Everyone is different and has their own unique expectations and standards. Simply asking what someone needs can be a meaningful gesture. - Lori Wilson-Hudson, Energy Wellness Coaching

As seen in Forbes.com

Stay The Course or Pursue Innovation?

First, ask yourself why you want to pursue innovation. Is your market changing? Asking yourself, “If I stay the course, what will happen in one year/three years/five years?” may help inform your decision. 

Sometimes taking your eye off what is working to focus on something new can actually hurt your current performance and your ability to keep growing what you’ve already built.

 ~As seen in Forbes.com

Remember, Thoughts Aren't Facts

Remember, thoughts are just sentences in your mind—they aren't facts. A thought is an observation or opinion you create about a circumstance. Remind yourself of the facts of a situation (“We will sell less this month,” for example) and take out the emotion (“I'm a failure!”). 

If you focus on the fact versus the emotion, the circumstance becomes neutral and measurable, not out of control.

 ~As seen in Forbes.com
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